Women supporting women - my story of freedom, "I Choose me"

I am a mother who found the immense courage to leave an abusive marriage of 20 years. Despite having everything I thought I wanted - two loving children, a husband, a successful career, a beautiful home and a what some might say “picture-perfect life”—I was deeply unhappy and hurting. Constantly feeling like I was walking on eggshells, and wanting to retreat from life, I was not my vibrant self. 

I was reeling from my mother’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, back to work after my 2nd maternity in 3 years, in my mid-40s, commuting 1.5 hour each way to my corporate leadership job, managing the weight of our life and living with an alcoholic husband, I was breaking….I could not take it anymore, my body was falling apart.

It was a doctor’s appointment to discuss my stomach issues that my eyes were opened to the reality, I was in an abusive marriage. At this point, I did not see it, I was conditioned to not see it. My doctor who had known me for over 25 years through all stages of life said to me, "sounds like you are being gaslight". Confused, I did not know what that meant.  She told me to go home and google it. Without knowing, that evening, I stepped foot onto a new path for my future.

In August 2020, I made the difficult decision to leave the life I had worked so hard to build, to create a better future for myself and my children, one of safety, happiness and peace.  

Becoming a mother was my greatest dream, one I worked tirelessly to achieve struggling through 6 years of fertility treatments. Having my daughter and 2 years later her brother, gave me the greatest joy I have ever experienced. When COVID struck March 2020, it forced us all into isolation. It gave me stillness, stripped away the noise of daily life, revealing the hard truths about my marriage. I could no longer deny the years of lies and manipulation that had defined our relationship. Slowly, I stopped sharing my inner most thoughts and feelings with my spouse, turning inward instead. I began observing, questioning, and seeking clarity without his influence.  He was no longer in my head. I can best describe my awakening as knowing that I was dying slowly by “death by a thousand cuts”, cuts created from decades of verbal and emotional attacks, leaving me questioning everything about myself. Painful as it was, this process planted the seeds of my freedom.

Rebuilding my self, my confidence and defining my future has not been an easy road. Trauma healing has come with ups and downs; however, each step forward brought me closer to reclaiming my voice. I leaned on the unwavering support of my parents and friends, deepening those authentic connections. While I lost many people who could not understand or support my journey, this only affirmed the importance of prioritizing myself and my children.

"Choosing me" meant envisioning a better life for us—one grounded in love, respect, and truth. I know I cannot shield my children from all of life’s challenges. What I can do is create a safe, nurturing environment that builds their resilience and demonstrates healthy relationships. I work hard to wrap my children in happiness and soak in the moments that matter, time for us together, chaos free.

I am a work in progress.  I continue to honor my grief while embracing the joy and clarity that comes with my new life.